


Resin

by thejunipertree



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Coping, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 22:33:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14554959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejunipertree/pseuds/thejunipertree
Summary: “I hope you can live with yourself” is what Sami tweeted to Daniel Bryan after he fired them and they attacked him on Smackdown. How do we live with the things we’ve done? How do we heal ourselves and keep creeping insects and infections (like guilt, or hope) from taking over? Once again, Kevin shows Sami the ropes of despicable behavior – this time with respect to how to patch yourself up psychologically after doing unspeakable things.





	1. Resin

**Author's Note:**

> Suggested soundtrack: Amber by Zoviet*France, from the album Digilogue.
> 
> Resins are produced by some plants in response to injury and harden when they come into contact with air. It's also waterproof and can be used to keep ships afloat.

> You, round this mortal's head circling in air,  
>  Heal now his heart in noble elfin fashion:  
>  Soothe its fierce conflict and the bitter passion  
>  Of self-reproach's burning darts, make clean  
>  His soul of all the horrors it has seen.  
> 

_Prologue, Goethe's Faust, Part II_

  


They drove away aimlessly, neither speaking, ears ringing and throats raw from the anguished cries that had echoed through the arena. They’d left right after. No electronic voice provided direction – after taking the time to schedule angry tweets to go out just enough later to remind people that they were alive, they were suffering, their phones were off. Family, friends, livelihoods: those concerns could come tomorrow. Instead they drifted down a main road - Sami drumming his fingers on the car door; cracking knuckles, rolling shoulders; the mechanical din of engine and tires, blinkers and breaks; all small sounds magnified by the silence of passenger and driver- until they came to a hotel.

Kevin’s suitcase dragged sluggishly through the carpet as they made their way into the lobby. The sight of the man working the desk came as a slight relief – the pressure to be normal in the face of this uninvolved stranger could buoy them along for a bit. It was easy and calming to just follow the rote script of booking a hotel room (sharing – on a budget now besides, shouldn’t be alone) until –

“Rough night for you guys?” The desk clerk asked, typing in the information on Kevin’s card and passport.

Kevin couldn’t look at Sami, couldn’t bring himself to reply, so he just nodded. How must they have looked, he wondered.

“Okay well, I’m going to sneak you guys into an upgrade, so you can at least have a nicer room and a bigger bed – don’t worry, I’ll keep the charge the same”

All Kevin could do was nod again. “Thanks,” he heard in Sami’s quiet voice. Kevin grabbed the keys and, luggage still struggling to roll through the too-thick carpets, they made their way towards the room. As they left the lobby, alone again, their footsteps and luggage-wheels echoed in semi-enclosed stone hallway. Stepping into the elevator felt like stepping into the vacuum of space where everything was too vast and far-reaching to carry sound. Kevin checked the little envelope with the key and hit the second-floor button. Gravity pulled on his stomach as they ascended, silent once more.

When they got to the room, Sami motioned toward the bathroom and Kevin waved him on. He heard the water from the shower start as he rummaged in his bag for his toiletries. Locating Sami’s as well, he cracked the bathroom door just enough to slide both sets onto the sink. Before closing it again, he caught sight of the individually wrapped cups sitting on the countertop. Kevin looked around the main room and spotted an electric kettle and heatproof cups sitting next to the television. With quiet efficiency, he grabbed it and filled it in the bathroom sink, shutting the door behind him when he was done. He unwrapped one of the styrofoam – or maybe it was corn? This looked like more of a plastic utensils place though– cups and set the kettle to boil. Nothing left to do but wait, he sat down on the edge of the bed, listening to the sound of the shower, the hum of electricity in the kettle, the increasingly energetic bubbling of the water; the sudden stop of the shower, the click of the kettle turning itself off, the sink running, the brushing of teeth, the opening of the bathroom door.

Sami stepped out, a towel around his waist and his dirty socks on his feet – just because the room was nicer didn’t mean it was fit to walk around barefoot in. Kevin quickly went over to his bag to grab clean clothes to sleep in, then stepped into the steam-filled bathroom for his own shower. He hoped Sami noticed the steam from the kettle. As he showered, Kevin focused on the beating of water against his skin, letting it drive down and drown out the chaos of earlier. At least they had good water pressure here.

When Kevin emerged, Sami was already dressed and under the covers, sitting propped against the headboard. Judging by the smell, he’d made himself one of the herbal teas he liked to carry with him, but wasn’t drinking it. Instead, Sami had the warm cup pressed against his face, over his eye. Kevin checked to make sure there was an end table within Sami’s reach before turning off the lights and making his own way to bed. He heard the soft tap of Sami setting the cup down as the bed creaked and he slid under the covers.

It was uncomfortably warm. He could hear the hot air rushing out of the furnace but there was no way Kevin could bring himself to get up from under the weight of the blankets to fix it, and it didn’t seem like Sami was likely to either. He felt Sami’s hand on his arm and it was uncomfortably warm too – from the cup, he realized. Kevin rolled over to face him. Although he could see Sami’s face in the light that shone through the thin curtains – neither of them had had the energy to pull the thicker ones closed apparently – his expression was oddly blank. At a loss, Kevin pushed his forehead to Sami’s and saw him close his eyes. Kevin did the same. Warmth and pressure. We’re on the same page. And maybe they really were because Sami seemed to nod – or perhaps it was a silent “Good night” – and then rolled away into a more comfortable sleeping position and slid a foot out from under the covers. Kevin did the same, pulling his arms on top of the blankets as he refocused his thoughts on sounds rather than sensations. The heater clicking off for now, water running through the pipes to some other room, Sami’s still too-measured breathing at some point shifting into snores, a car passing outside. Sometime after the fourth person thundering up the stairs and the third motorcycle to pass by, Kevin finally drifted off.


	2. Prism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dawn comes and, guilt, shame, and pain forgotten, Sami chooses in what direction this new day will take him.

> am farbigen Abglanz haben wir das Leben

_Prologue, Goethe's Faust, Part II_

Sami awoke to a thundering sound that he eventually parsed as coming from a semi-truck driving past the hotel. The next thing he noticed was that he could see the sky starting to lighten through the translucent curtains. They must’ve been in a west-facing room since the lower part of the sky was still dark while right up top, by the window frame, it was turning the deep sapphire color that came just before the dawn. The air in the room was warm and close. Even though Sami had woken to find himself hanging halfway out of bed, the temperature was still uncomfortably cloying. Kevin, always the better sleeper, was still dreaming away next to him, but even he had kicked the covers off in the night. 

Carefully, Sami slid fully out of bed and, still in stocking feet, made his way to the door. Quietly he slipped outside onto the connected balcony that ran along their floor. He leaned on the railing and gazed out at the pool and a small, empty dining area below. The exterior lights seemed strangely dim as the gathering daylight slowly began to outshine them. More and more frequently, he could hear cars passing on the highway nearby. The smell of chlorine, the sun reflecting off the water in the pool, people and birds beginning to stir again… Sami turned back to the hotel room to grab his shoes, get some breakfast, wake Kevin, and start planning their next move. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short tag to the first piece to start to play with the idea of Sami as a Faustean character a bit more (also drawing a bit on Dante - Sami and/or Faust as a failed Dante, who gets to purgatory and then turns back... the whole idea of turning back and moving in circles has, for better or worse, been a bit of a motif in their current story). It's an idea I'd like to return to but I think I need to sit with it some more. Still, I wanted to at least get it out there, even in embryonic-homonculus form.
> 
> There wasn't really a good translation that I could find of the German I quoted. My English _Faust_ (David Luke tr) gives it as " Our life's a spectrum-sheen of borrowed glory" which... I don't love. But I have no better alternative!
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read this, and any feedback or advice is appreciated!


End file.
